Bathroom Beatdown – Revenge is Never Worth the Trouble
Someone posted this to their Facebook page recently and I started thinking. I bet at some point, everyone that has ever had a person that they care about cheat on them, probably would love to do what she did in this video. I think she felt justified in whooping his ass (literally). Of course this type of thing usually only happens in the movies and is not necessarily realistic but boy, would it feel good. Ultimately, I do not condone one person assaulting another person no matter what has happened. However, I can live vicariously through her character.
After I watched this, I started thinking about this even further. Would I really be able to physically punish someone who has hurt me. What does it prove, how would I feel after I did it? I would probably still feel lousy, because it doesn’t erase the pain and the hurt that was caused. Then I think, what if I took it too far and really accidentally hurt the other person. It is not worth the trouble and it’s definitely not worth my life. Ultimately, healing doesn’t happen from the hurt or pain or revenge you seek on another person, it happens within yourself.
When an affair has happened, you have to seek healing for yourself first and you have to set your boundaries. You have to determine what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate. Now, if you decide to stay and work it out, then stay and work it out, go to counseling together as a couple and once you decide to stick with it, don’t bring it up again, and still get emotionally healthy and strong to rebuild you relationship. But, if you decide to leave, immediately start working on getting emotionally healthy so you can move on with your life. The one thing I do agree with in this video is that the woman ultimately decided that the hurt and pain and control that she endured was not worth her time and effort anymore. She made a decision to help herself.
In every case DO YOU!!!! The rest will be much easier that way.
Be Well.
Mo
P.S. Although I do not condone this behavior, I did laugh out loud when I saw her use that baby oil.
It is ok to be Pissed Off
Hi Everyone, I know I have been gone for awhile and I apologize for not posting but I am back!!!
I recently saw this and it brought tears to my eyes to watch this woman be so hurt by the actions of her husband. It is funny the approach Tina’s sister takes in this clip. She wants her sister to take the higher road, she wants her to be Christ like. This reminds me so much of how people in our lives want us to be numb to the way we feel. True enough, we do need to heal after an affair, and even after multiple affairs but I believe it is very unhealthy to pin all those emotions up. When that happens, we are more likely to explode and do something we may not want to out of anger.
As much as Tina is angry, and I hurt for her but I love that she can get pissed that her husband betrayed her and she doesn’t feel guilty about it. Way to go Tina. Good for you.
As woman we have to be able to heal. It is ok to show emotions. Most of the time the spouse that has done the cheating doesn’t want to deal with the emotions because they are too busy trying to forget what happened, they are not remorseful or they are still having the affair.
So I stand firm on my advice to women that have been in a relationship tormented by an affair. TAKE CARE OF YOU!!! You cannot change another person, you can only change you.
I have been trying to get my spouse to go to counseling with me because there are several things that need to be fixed in our relationship and he refuses to go. I will keep trying because I want to be totally healed and connect with him, but my healing doesn’t depend on just him anymore. My happiness doesn’t just depend on him. I know for my own sanity, I have to heal and part of that is being angry at the fact that I was betrayed, and being pissed that I was alone, and hurting that the love that my husband was supposed to have for me went to another person. I am very angry about that. However, I have learned that I can’t let that anger control my life.
I still need to heal through the anger. That is the first step towards a new future.
Be well and Be Happy!!!!
Mo
What is Cheater’s Eve?
The Psychology of the Other Woman
There are so many single woman who have no problem having sex with a married man. Why is that? What is the psychology of a woman who allows herself to be subjected to an unavailable man? Is it low self-esteem ? Are there not enough men in the world? Could it be that some women just don’t give a f*ck and just want what they want. Or maybe men make empty promises about love and relationships that they have no intention on keeping and the other woman falls for it. I think sometimes the other woman hears what she wants and a man will say what he needs to, to get what he wants. I remember growing up as child in a household where my dad raised me. He was a firefighter, with a house, benefits and nice cars. You would not believe the number of woman that ran in and out of our home trying to vie for position. It almost was like a revolving door. Those woman did everything they could to try to win my dad and us kids over. They cooked, cleaned, I even caught one of them naked in the room waiting for my dad, it was ridiculous. They came up in our house like they ran the place. All I could see were desperate woman trying to anchor on to a man. The funny thing is they all knew about each other and didn’t care.
In my experience some of the characteristics of the other woman are:
-Single
-Lonely
-Desperate to be in a relationship
-Willing to settle
-Willing to do whatever it takes to make him stay
-Always thinking the man will be different with her
-Low Self Esteem
-Successful and believes she can get what she wants with a little hard work
I have known woman in my own experience that brag about how they love to be with their married man. In the back of my mind I keep thinking that they are nothing more than a booty call. Someone to call on when wifey ain’t acting right. That has to be a horrible life. I couldn’t be with a man who only wanted to spend his time screwing me and spending time with me only when he could get away from his real life. How pitiful.
Here’s what I have to say to women who think like this, the man who you are trying to get generally will not leave his wife or family and he probably doesn’t have respect for you ( as the saying goes, you can’t turn a ho into a housewife). If he does, he will do the same thing to you at some point in your future. So tell that man to go on about his business and in the famous words of Tamar Braxton “GET YO LIFE!!!!”. I don’t feel bad for these women. They have no sense of sisterhood or self-worth.
The best they can do in their life is want another woman’s left overs. I personally hate left overs.
What do you think of woman who cheat with married men?
Why Do Women Stay
I never could understand why women stay in ‘bad’ relationships. This seems to be the norm now a days. I look at all of these reality tv shows, Love and Hip Hop, Black Ink, and other shows and it seems like woman are having a hard time knowing when to say when. Why is that? I am sure these shows have people posting on their blogs saying why are you stuck on stupid and dangling from dumb, but I think that is unfair. I think we really need to define what is ‘bad’. The bottom line is, most women get to a point when their tired is tired (as my grandmother used to say). Bad for some women could be catching their partner in the actual act of sex. Some women’s definition of bad could be their partner flirting with another woman. I had a good friend whose spouse cheated, and her mother in law told her that as long her son was still taking care of the household, bringing home his check and wasn’t blatantly disrespectful to her by putting the affair(s) he was having in her face, then she should have nothing to complain about. I told her that was the dumbest thing I had ever heard in my entire life. It is no wonder why her son was having a problem with maintaining a relationship with my friend, the mother in law probably taught him all his life that it was ok to cheat as long as…. I think that her mother in law was raised by her mother with this same frame of reference. My friend decided to call it quits because her partner was a serial cheater and she just couldn’t deal with it any longer. ( I will do another post related to men’s behaviors in these situations at a later date.) If you really think about it, we really have to think about the beliefs of the woman who stays in a relationships that keeps her unhappy, what did she experience growing up, what relationship did she experience with her father, was she able to set boundaries in her close family relationships, did she have a parent telling her, as long as a man doesn’t through his affair in your face and as long as he is taking care of home, then you should just be content with the behavior . I think the first step to a woman figuring out her next moves in a ‘bad’ relationship is figuring out who she is. Her focus has to stop being on the behavior of her partner and start being on what will lead her to happiness. To lead a full life where she is not worried about the illicit activities of her partner. This is not an easy task at all. It takes a strong person to not focus on the such a prominent, heart breaking thing and focus on herself. Don’t be a victim in this situation, be the one to come out on top. Figure out what ‘bad’ means to you and then work on yourself to figure out the rest. A woman doesn’t have to settle if she doesn’t want to. It’s her choice.
If you or someone you know is dealing with a partner’s unfaithfulness, contact me so I can tell you more about the infidelity tool kit. It contains the essential items every woman needs to help them discover themselves and find the strength they need to move forward in their lives.
I’m Out.
No He Didn’t!!!
When women are put in the situation that Bernadine was put in, they begin to go through a storm of emotional turmoil. It feels like her world is crumbling down around her. The life that she has known with the man who she has given her all too, betrayed her in a way that is unthinkable (Though Shall Not Commit Adultery). Not only did Bernadine’s husband tell her about the other woman, he did it in such a hurtful and disrespectful manner. Why do men do that? The bottom line is, he left her to figure it out herself. Now, it is absolutely normal to feel broken and hurt after finding out about an unfaithful partner. It is normal to feel anger and distrust, but the question is, what do you do after you find out? Most women react in a few different ways. There are those women who decide to walk away immediately and never turn back, then there are those women who feel like all they can do is shrivel up and die because they have lost their love, then there are those women who feel like there needs to be a revenge component within the scenario. These women either cheat with someone else, or they spend all of their time tracking down information related to the affair. They look at their partners cell phone statements, try to get into their voicemail and text messages, and even try to find and confront the other woman. It’s funny, my partner’s family call me “Inspector Gadget”, so you can tell which one of these three scenarios I fit into. The problem with all of these scenarios is that the person cheated on never searches her soul to find out how to recover from the hurt and betrayal. If that doesn’t occur, the woman will never heal and will carry this experience with her in every other relationship that she has. If she decides to work it out with her partner, or start a new relationship she must get clarity and find healing to have a normal healthy relationship. When I say she must find clarity, I don’t mean with the man, I mean with within yourself. Don’t get me wrong, a man that cheats is a pig and a coward, because if they are unhappy in the relationship they should sit and have a conversation with their partner instead of stepping outside the relationship, but truthfully speaking, a woman cannot control what her partner does. She can only control her own actions. So which woman are you? Be the one that finds strength in herself and can tell the person that hurt her to f**k off if and when she needs to. Don’t become a slave to the emotional baggage of a cheating partner.
I’m Out
Go with Your Gut
Have a you ever had the feeling that something in your relationship is not quite right? You start to notice little things that don’t add up. Maybe your partners sexual behaviors change, he or she is more argumentative, you start to notice their schedule may change, but the problem is , there is no definitive evidence that they have invited someone else into their lives. For the moment you feel like a crazy person. As I was going through my own circumstances, I kept thinking to myself, am I crazy? Am I imagining these things? The truth was, I almost talked myself out of finding out what was happening. I would tell people my suspicions that I thought my partner was cheating, and people would kind of dismiss my suspicions, until I figured out, that for my own sanity, I needed to figure it out. If my partner was cheating, that meant he could bring home HIV, HPV or some other incurable disease, the girl probably knew about me which could put me and my kids in danger of being physically hurt, our friends and his family probably knew and I looked like an idiot. So based on my gut instinct I started to do some snooping.
I started to ask myself, what is different? How has my partner’s behavior changed? How many nights a week is he claiming to work late or going out with friends? Those are the questions I started with. Now you may ask, why didn’t you just ask him. We all know that when people are confronted with this type of thing, their first instinct is to lie about it. I had asked my partner, and he tried to turn the situation around on me. He tried to make me think I was in the wrong for even asking. Once I realized that he wouldn’t be honest, I had to go with what I knew, to find out the truth.
Unfaithfully Faithful 